some stuff are meant to be tugged away.. Facebook twitter tumblr are so board for me to post this. the below might not make sense.
I’ve learnt many things beyond control are just beyond control, but the question is “Should you still try?” I really don’t know.. I have alot on my head, and I have no answers or so called words I wanna hear. Trying wont make a difference, but does the effort count?
March is coming, and it will get worse. Its like a diseasse, infection is unavoidable, and my mind will soon die of this. I need ideas and I have come up with a few. But its just too tight, so tight it makes me wanna cuddle alone. Its all just darkness ahead. And prolly I have already developed a protocol to sift thru all of it. Its not hard, not sad, not angry; its just not necessary.
I have a brain of a 24 and maybe a mind of a 34, and since young i know, if there’s a god, He’s really a really fair one. Life is fair, I lost alot and I’ve gained alot. And now i’m gonna loose a whole lot more. And what now?
And also since young, I know that I can’t interact with people I don’t know/trust. I just don’t know how to talk to you. I know people are good natured, mostly. But its just my major flaw. I don’t know how to love. I know it, I’ve tried maybe slight improvement but I still fail i think.
My mom, is going thru much more than me I admit and I always used this to make myself feel better when I go thru all this. But its like comparing myself with the last in class and say that I’m second but from last. Brings me nowhere. She still doesnt deserve this. I’m not asking for alot, in fact i have no idea what to ask for.
2 homes, 2 extremes. People always say that when you see the bad stuff, you will appreciate the good more. For me, when I see the good stuff, I then will know what i’m really missing out on. Or how bad bad really is. I always thought the grass was still pretty green on my side, I shouldn’t have peeked.
My head needs cleansing, I need support, and I’ve always believe my inner self could bring me this. I’m hearing it call but still kinda soft now. Or maybe I need to start listening properly.
I’m finding all the things in life simple. but the things around life aren’t. my life could be so much simpler if i were a samurai and i can fucking slice and dice some motherfuckers.
good night.
sigh
@noelyeow
